Is all sexual activity wrong outside of marriage?

by Wendi Kaiser

Dear Wendi,

My friend asked me if the Bible says anywhere that any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong. Where does it say this? Also, what is allowable. He says as long as he doesn't have "real sex" with someone he hasn't disobeyed the Bible. What do you think? Confused

Dear Confused,

Just as there are different kinds of love there are different kinds of physical touch. Let me explain. The hug and kiss you give your grandmother is a different kind of touch than the handshake you give when meeting someone. Again, these are different from the hug and kiss you would give your boyfriend or girlfriend. There is social touching, emotional familial touching and romantic/sexual touching. So the classification of physical interactions has so much to do with motive and intent. A kiss is not just a kiss.

Many young people today have a very narrow definition of sex. Sexual intercourse is defined as penal penetration of the vagina. The actual definition of the word, intercourse, is much broader. Look in any dictionary and you will find that intercourse is the commerce, communication or dealings between two people, businesses, countries, etc. If we apply this definition to sexual intercourse it would mean any sexual communication and sexual physical interactions between two people.

In 1 Corinthians 6:18 Paul writes, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man (person) commits are outside his body, but he (or she) who sins sexually sins against his own body." Sexual immorality here is the Greek word porneia. Porneia is every kind of sexual activity outside of marriage. So the Bible tells us to flee from every kind of sexual activity except with our legally recognized husband or wife.

The Bible also tells us to treat one another as brothers and sisters with absolute purity in 1 Timothy 5:2. Ephesians 5:3 tells us to live together as family members and that there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity among us, even our speech should be righteously without obscenity or coarse joking. We should treat each other like brothers and sisters. You can express any physical affection that you would give to your sister. Would you French kiss your sister? Fondle your sister? No, of course, not!

The Bible also warns us not to partner with sexually immoral persons. (Ephesians 5:7) Sexually touching and activities are for heterosexual marriage only. Biblically this is not open for any serious debate. Paul writes that it is best not to play around with physically touching another person from a sexual motivation (1Corinthians 7:1 &2) and if sexual self-control is a losing battle then marry and enjoy sex with your spouse.

The New Testament deals with our motivations as well as our actions. Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." You can not play word games with God like saying I did not have sex technically with this person so I have not disobeyed the Bible's command to abstain from sex before marriage. The command is not to engage in sexual activity before marriage which includes what we narrowly define as sexual intercourse and also any sexual touching.

Sincerely,

Wendi Kaiser -- http://www.glennkaiser.com http://www.askwendi.com

-01/27/03

This article first appeared in Cornerstone Magazine, Issue No. 117.